‘ve spoken with many women in happy, healthy relationships over the years, and across the board they are some specific personality traits most of them share. Once you know what they are, you can feel more confident letting these aspects of yourself shine, and hone any you feel you may currently be lacking in.

By and large, women who are the mostly like to find true love in happy, healthy relationships possess these 5 dominant personality traits.

1. Self-aware

Women who know how to find real love in healthy relationships truly know themselves.

They know their strengths and their weaknesses. They have dealt with their past. They recognize their limitations and are willing to reach out for help when they need it.

Women who find lasting love know what they want. They know what kind of man they want, what kind of traits he will have, what kind of man will bring out the best in them. They set their eye on finding that man and build themselves a clear path to do so.

If you are a woman who doesn’t know who she is or who hasn’t taken a good hard look at who you are in the world and what you want, you will have a harder time finding and keeping lasting love.

2. Self-assured

I know many women who reflect everything that happens in the world on themselves. Women who do this have a low ego strength. Everything that happens in the world they filter through their perception of themselves.

For example, I had a client who saw everything that happened to her as a reflection on herself. Once, when her husband didn’t want to help his own mother clean out her attic, this woman’s reaction was to tell hin that if he didn’t help her clean out their attic in 10 years when she retired, she would be angry with him.

Women who take everything personally don’t have confidence in who they are in the world. They look at life through their own personal lens, not allowing any space for a man to love them for who they are. They are paralyzed by the person they see in the mirror, a person they don’t like very much. You can’t expect a man, or anyone else for that matter, to like you if you don’t even like yourself.


3. Flexible

Women who find lasting love are willing to roll with whatever comes along and bend themselves to accommodate change.

I know another woman who is very black and white in her thinking. If her relationship isn’t going the way she thinks it should, she is immediately stymied. She tries to bend things back to her way of thinking and, more often than not, she gets shut down in the process. If only she was willing to look at all sides of the relationship she might be able to help it evolve into something healthy that works for everyone.

Try to be flexible in the world. Anticipate and accept that sometimes, things don’t go the way you think they will, and roll with it. You will be happy you did.

4. Humorous

Life can be exceedingly difficult, and women who are able to laugh at the challenges are more like to find true love.

Think about those days when everything goes wrong. Your boyfriend is cranky in the morning because he is going to be late to work. Your plans to meet for lunch get canceled because he has meetings. He forgets that you’re supposed to go shopping together after work and goes out to get a beer with a friend instead, then comes home later than he said he would.

When things like this happen, you have two choices. You can collapse in a heap of anger and despair, drink 3 glasses of wine and yell at him … or you can throw your hands up in the air, recognize how crazy life gets sometimes, take the dog for a walk and let it go.

If you can just let things go and laugh them off, accepting difficult moments with grace and humor, you will be way more likely to find and keep the lasting love you seek.


5. Determined

The key to finding, and keeping, lasting love is having the determination to succeed, to get what you want, and to not let anything get in your way.

I have a client whose husband left her for his college girlfriend years ago. It came totally out of the blue and she was devastated. It took her some time to get back on her feet but when she did she did so with gusto.

She took the time to figure out what she wanted in the world and she went for it. She started her own business and worked hard to make it successful. She moved to New York City because she knew it would give her the opportunities she sought. And she made herself a list of the kind of man she was looking for. Six year later, her business is a success and she has found the man of her dreams. A lot of things got in the way but she never gave up. And she got what she wanted.

So, if lasting love is what you seek, go for it. Set your sights on what you want and don’t let go, no matter what gets in your way.

There is no reason why any woman should have difficulty finding the lasting love she seeks.

Women have been letting men take the lead in relationships for too long, letting their ‘woman-ness’ hold them back from actively pursuing what they want.

I would argue that the things that make us women, the self-awareness, the determination, the flexibility and the sense of humor, the personality traits that we naturally possess, give us all the tools that we need to find the love that we seek.

So, go out there in the world, be yourself and find your person. You can do it! I promise.

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